Painful Church Issues

Evening Readers!

I was talking with a friend tonight about church transformations and we agree that it's excruciating. It takes an enormous amount of time and energy.

Although starting a church is very hard work, transforming an established congregation is even tougher. So, we began to discuss some of the more painful issues arising:

1. How do we tell a congregation or certain groups in a congregation that they are not as good at something as they think they are?
For example: most churches believe they are "friendly" as in "We are a friendly congregation." But what if they don't realize how unfriendly they really are towards people whom they don't already know? I know a congregation that believes that one of it's best ministries is hospitality, but in truth, they are terrible at it. They don't smile while serving. They almost growl when someone asks for something. I know a group in another church that claims to do pastoral care very well, when actually, some of their members have told me that they have no idea how cold they sound when trying to be "pastoral." ("Your mother has breast cancer? That's not such a big deal anymore." "You lost your job? My husband lost his job last year and eventually he got an even better one.") No kidding. Yikes.

2. How do we avoid allowing personal preferences to hijack change? What do we do with people who fight change because it personally inconveniences them, even if it's best for the whole church?
I know a wonderful person who was appointed as the Administrator within our church, however because some leaders were not ready for change and somewhat jealous. They complained and the Pastor made a reverse.

3. How can we compassionately teach church members that it's not healthy or wise to go chasing after longtime members who leave?
Sometimes people need to leave for their own spiritual well-being. Sometimes they leave in anger and sometimes in sadness. I personally ache when people I love leave our church out of frustration or disappointment. But I also know that - just as we cannot please everyone - sometimes people change and grow and they need something new. It's okay. Sometimes it's more than okay; it's very healthy. And I've been taught that when someone threatens to leave if we don't do what they demand, we should compassionately reply - as Westley replied in The Princess Bride - "As you wish."

4. How can we avoid letting disgruntled members sabotage faithful efforts to move our churches into the next level?
All it takes is a single disgruntled worshipper complaining about something that may or may not be the actual problem to command the attention of officers away from their vision . . . unless the officers are mature enough to recognize that their calling is not about pleasing a single person or group in the church.

After spending sometime trying hard to help a church regain its stability after a particularly heinous church split, it occurred to me that it was impossible to take our church to where it was in The Glory Years. Church growth wasn't really about recovering from a church conflict. It was about the fact that we were no longer living in a modernist, Constantinian Church culture.

15% of All Americans Have No Religion. And it's not about being a sky-is-falling kind of person. It's about being a person who is exegeting the culture, and it looks like we need to make some changes - literally - for Christ's sake. But it's absolutely exhausting.